SIRI caught in the middle of husband and wife argument

Don't drag her into this......

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POLITICAL CARTOONS

MADONNA'S GAGA PROBLEM

I find these HYSTERICAL!!!  Only because finally Madonna is being upstaged by someone with actual TALENT......(bitch)......enjoy!

FINALLY!!!! A theme song to sing to fear-mongering Republicans!!!

POLITICAL CARTOONS

LITERALLY BROUGHT ME TO TEARS

Today I HAD to go to my local grocer or face possible starvation.  I’ve been putting this trip off all weekend as I was in a conundrum as to my meal plans for the coming week and didn’t feel like roaming the aisles of the market while deciding what to buy.

However, as the day wore on the hunger pangs increased, and as I was not in the mood to fry bacon and eggs I ventured into the chilly Chicago afternoon to my neighborhood Aldi Supermarket with an ad-hoc grocery list in my mind.  I entered the store, music blaring in my ears from the headphones attached to my phone.  As I wandered the narrow aisles I remembered my weekly mission and I suddenly thought to myself, “I wonder if they just MIGHT have it in stock today…?”  Deciding I had nothing to lose I went to the assigned area and checked if the object of my year-long quest was on the shelves this week.

And lo and behold – there they were.  Cans and cans of tinned corned beef.

I stifled my gasp of delighted astonishment but couldn’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes.  “OhmyGod!”  I thought to myself. “They FINALLY have corned beef in stock!”  It took me a few moments before I could reach for what I thought was a mirage and stow a couple of cans in my shopping cart.

Okay – by now some of you may be wondering if I’ve finally cracked.  (Well, no more than usual…)

You see – there has been a shortage of tinned corned beef in the US since last year.  Something to do with tainted beef from Brazil introduced into the canning process through a canning factory in Chicago.  Some of the corned beef was tested and was found to contain a drug used to treat cows for parasites.  As a precaution the U.S. Food, Safety and Inspection Services halted all imports of canned corned beef from Brazil until recently, and that led to a year-long shortage.

Tinned corned beef (or bully beef to use the British vernacular) is a staple in the Caribbean diet.  Tinned corned beef is NOT to be confused with the Jewish or European deli-styled sliced corned beef.  Tinned corned beef is boiled corned beef that is shredded with a small amount of gelatin, then canned.  In Jamaica it is prepared with mayo, ketchup, hot pepper and sliced onions and served between slices of bread as a sandwich, or steamed with cabbage and onions seasoned with black pepper and served on top of white rice.  In Puerto Rico they stew the corned beef in tomato paste with seasoning and also serve on white rice (the Bahamian dish is similar).  In Trinidad they curry the damn thing.  Actually, in Trinidad they curry EVERYTHING.......but I digress.

Tinned corned beef is a quick, tasty – and more important – cheap dish.  (Though not so cheap anymore – due to demand it was $3.69 a can in Aldi.)

Since the ban was lifted and regular production (allegedly) resumed I have been scouring the aisles of all supermarkets but to no avail.  I’m not the only one on the hunt - if you Google the phrase “corned beef shortage” you will see a barrage of results on this subject.  Regular supplies have returned to some states but here in Illinois the shortage continued – although there was no shortage of canned corned beef hash…..go figure.  

Until now.

*burp*  I am writing to you after consuming three corned beef sandwiches with lots of onions.

Wickedly good.  Corned beef is now back in my life.

And it was worth the wait.

LOVE THIS CARTON from Pearls Before Swine

Click on picture to make bigger.

Jamaican man attacked by dog in Benito Juarez Park in Chicago

Yesterday evening started out as routinely as usual.  I got home after 5:30 pm and on my arrival, as is customary, had to drop everything to greet and grab the mutt for his walk.  Cradling the phone between my shoulder and my ear (I was talking to Gary at the time) I snapped Phelix into his harness and we headed downstairs.

I crossed the narrow road separating my block from the park I walk Phelix and was in a spirited discussion with Gary on why I would never get another Blackberry.  “Ugh, I am soooo tired of battery pulls, the screen freezes, the touch-screen malfunctions, the memory allocation for applications is pathetic…..” I argued as I approached the entrance to the Benito Juarez Park as Phelix sniffed the grass near-by for any pee-mails left by other dogs.

As I stood by the entrance I saw a young man with medium-sized dog – I think a boxer – around 50 feet from my location.  The dog spotted Phelix and to my horror bolted towards us at full speed.

Now, unfortunately – this is NOT the first time Phelix has been the target of other dogs in public spaces.  For some reason, really really really STUPID people seem to think that they don’t have to leash their dogs in public areas, and Phelix has been attacked before.  In those past attacks there is my patented jerk-and-catch technique I employ whereas I literally yank Phelix into the air like a yo-yo, and on his descent catch him in the my arms – my feet ready defensibly to kick at any attacking dog.

This time, because I had the phone in one hand I didn’t have time to deploy my patented jerk-and-catch technique.  Instead I reached down and scooped Phelix into my arms while still cradling the phone between my shoulder and left ear.

“Shit, hold on Gary…” I started to say and was interrupted mid-sentence as the dog barreled into me to get at Phelix.

At this point everything went into slow motion – kinda like the scene in any gangster movie when the lovable hoodlum is walking down the road with a bunch of roses in his hand for his sweetheart when he is gunned down by rival thugs from a passing car…….the roses slowly flying in the air and landing on the pavement – all to the sound of some slow, intense Italian opera sung in the background.

Well, this is the 21st century, and the song of choice for my dramatic scene is Beyonce’s “Halo”.

 “Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through my darkest night”….the force of the dog’s momentum crashing in to me shoves me off my feet.

“You're the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to your light”…with my right arm I clutch a barking Phelix protectively to my chest away from the jaws of the larger dog as I begin to fall..

“I swore I'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like falling”……..I land on the hard pavement, my left elbow taking the brunt of the fall, the sudden jolt taking the breath out of me.

“Gravity can't forget, to pull me back to the ground again”…..I slowly turn my head away from the dog, my mouth open in a primal scream as I watch the phone that flew out of my hand in the melee crash face-first on the pavement.

(I’m such a drama queen.)

At this time I’m on my back with the dog making another attempt at Phelix when the stupid owner FINALLY reaches us and while yelling grabs at his dog.  The dog, hearing the anger in his owner’s voice, suddenly bolts out of the park and runs into the street nearby. I got up slowly – a little embarrassed for falling – and after ascertaining that the dog is no where around put Phelix on the ground.  He bristles indignantly and continues barking at his would-be attacker who has now been caught by his owners and is being physically reprimanded.  I pick up my phone afraid of the condition it may be in and to my surprise found it to be undamaged.

“Erm, Gary – let me call you back…..I was just attacked by a dog……”

By now the owner had his dog on a leash and was looking in my direction.  “You need to come over here and say something to me” I called to him, finally getting angry.  He came over dragging his dog and began to hit the animal.  “No, STOP!”  I yelled at him.  “Do NOT take this out on your dog – this is YOUR fault – you should have had your dog on a leash!  Why didn’t you have him on a leash?”

He began to mumble some pathetic excuse and I vented at him a little more, asked his name, reprimanded him again, then finished my walk with Phelix.  I got the phone out (still amazed it hadn’t shattered during the fall) and called Gary to update him on what happened and to resume our interrupted conversation.

I returned to my apartment and was telling Gary that I knew I was going to pay the price for my fall the next day in aches and pains.  As I am talking I kept getting a nagging feeling that my left elbow was wet.  I took off my jacket and felt my elbow (I had on a long sleeve rugby shirt).  On feeling a slight dampness I told Gary to hold on as I struggled the polo shirt off.  I went to the bathroom, held up my elbow to the mirror and to my horror saw something white poking out of my skin.

“Er, Gary, let me call you back, there’s something white poking out of my elbow….”

Concerned, Gary told me “listen, star, hang up and pay attention to your elbow.  Call me back later when you know what is what….”

I hung up and slowly reached to touch the white thing praying it wasn’t bone matter…...

Yup, just as I thought – it was some fatty tissue the size of a dime that burst through my skin at the elbow from the impact of my fall.  There was another small split below my elbow an inch below my elbow.  Trying not to panic I tested the range of motion of my left elbow – all was okay, nothing felt broken or fractured.  

I stared at the ominous looking white fatty tissue now slightly oozing with blood and wondered if this merited an emergency room visit.  Honestly, despite its scary look I didn’t think the wounds were that serious – none of the cuts were deep enough to warrant stitches and any doctor would just clean up the wound and bandage it – for now.  I did just that – wiped what I could with alcohol and used a couple of Band-Aids to cover the cuts.  I then put a couple of cotton pads on top of that and bound my elbow with a make-shift wrap cut from an old undershirt.  I swallowed a couple of ibuprofen to help with the swelling.

I slept okay last night and woke up without any major aches and pains anywhere else.  My elbow has gotten a little more tender and I can’t bend my arm fully without pain – but that it to be expected.  I’m going to run to the store soon to get some more band-aids  - larger ones this time – and a couple bottles of ibuprofen to help with the swelling.  I’m kinda scared to remove the bandage and see the condition of the cuts but I’m figuring that if they are not hurting that much it must be okay…..I hope.  However, I’ll have to face my fear when I change the bandages later.

But as I walked Phelix this morning I angrily wondered to myself – why was I paying the painful price for someone else’s stupidity.  I swear – if I had seen that dog owner again at that moment I probably would have punched him in the face.

But for now…..*sigh*….life goes on……

Troubling, very troubling.

Presidential GOP candidate front-runner Herman Cain has been busy for the past few weeks.  First he created a firestorm of controversy with his now infamous “9-9-9”plan, then he fanned the flames even hotter with his comments about poor people and eating “used food”.  Not content with his now roaring bonfire he threw on more fuel with incendiary comments on handling immigration troubles at the US-Mexican border with lethal electric fences. 

This week, he has been floundering in explanations amongst the revelation that he was accused of sexual harassment while tenured at the National Restaurants Association.  First he denied the report, then he hinted that there may have been an incident, THEN when confronted with the facts he suddenly has total recall at what actually happened but refuses to acknowledge any role in the investigation and consequent settlement that occurred.  He has been caught on camera losing his temper to the point of almost swearing on being asked about his past indiscretions.  He dodges the media and blames everyone but himself for past incident(s) that is legally documented.

I’m not at all shocked that he has been accused of sexually harassing someone – to be honest, I think having a sex-scandal in the closet is a pre-requisite to becoming an elected member or official of the Republican Party. 

Neither am I surprised that he is vehemently denying the extent of his involvement either.

What IS surprising and deeply troubling is that his poll numbers have NOT been affected by this at all.  As a matter of fact, his supporters have stood by and have donated to his campaign in record numbers. 

THAT’S what bothers me. 

Why?  Because the question that keeps popping up in my head asks “are there really a large number of Americans who are THAT STUPID to blindly follow this idiot and really, REALLY see him as a fit candidate to run this country!?  THIS is how they would want a leader to handle the delicate issues of America?!  This is the moral compass that they want to be lead by?!”

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!  What values and ethics do they have…..and are they any indication of the mindset of the general populace?

I mean – he sputters and loses his temper at a simple question about FACTS of his past….how then would he react in times of crisis when America is confronted by terrorists acts or other such acts of aggression? 

The other bothering matter is that Herman Cain is leading the polls as the candidate that Republicans would support to challenge Obama in the 2012 presidential elections. 

Really?!  Herman Cain is the best that the GOP has to offer?  Out of a population of over 310 million – this is the single best candidate they can find?  If not this moron, the close second is a member of a church that most consider a cult, followed in a close third by a Texan governor who is accused of being a drunken, drug-abusing closet-case. 

What IS to become of this country?!  

I'M SUPER, THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!

Marcus Bachmann, you delusional bitch, this one's for you!!!!