GAY PEOPLE HAVE YET TO EMBRACE MARRIAGE

With the historic decision by the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) in June to equalize marriage for all consenting adults, another battle by activists to bring equality to all citizens of the United State was won.  

However, the war for marriage equality is still to be fought.  

Being gay in a straight world is fraught with challenges, self-depreciation, angst and tears.  Today's society, despite social advances, is still programmed to look on marriage as a goal for a man and woman, and not between two consenting adults.  

Little girls play with dolls in castles while dreaming of the day they can put on their own gowns and be a princess for a day as they marry Prince Charming.  

Boys are raised to be strong and provide for their wives, and produce heirs to continue the family line.  They must snare their princess as quickly as possible and breed, breed, breed!  

Throw an uncertain boy or girl into the mix and things get confusing.  Deep down inside they know they are different, and by age 13 know what they are but will not risk the scorn of society to be themselves.  They can't play the part of the princess even though they want their prince because men must want women.  The role of playing prince to another young man seems silly - after all, two swords cannot play castle.  

Growing up in Jamaica I never dreamed of marrying another man.  The most I could hope for is to shack up quietly with someone and live the underground life.  Migrating to the U.S. made it easier for me to be myself at work and play, but I still didn't put any thought to actually meeting the man of my dreams who would one day be at the other end of the aisle with that look of love, longing and life-long dedication in his eyes.  

That concept still eludes me - after all, I was brought up to believe that only a man and a woman could have a "proper wedding" - white gowns, tuxedos, best man and all.  Even today, there are no traditions for gay men to follow:  who is to wear the old, the new, the borrowed and the blue?  Which partner is forbidden to see the other the night before?  Is there still a bouquet to be tossed?  And when caught, what does that mean for the 'catcher'?  

Sure, I fought for marriage equality for all but still the idea of marrying a man is alien to me.  It would feel like a charade - "marriage lite" to be honest.  That's only because of the programming I received as a child, and not due to some deep seated loathing.  

The guilt is well entrenched.  

Until society has figured out the value of these important nuances, and until all children are raised to partner with someone else - gender be damned! - the true victory of marriage equality has yet to be realized. 

And that is the war we must continued to fight, despite a victorious battle being won.