(Time to play "sports lesbian" and do) AN ANALYSIS OF THE CHICAGO BEARS - they SUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Look, I am loyal to my city’s sports teams and almost fanatically embrace the philosophy that “baseball dives Chicago; football unites us”, but the performance of the Chicago Bears this season has forced me to re-think my unquestioned devotion to the team.

The Chicago Bears were Super Bowl winners in the ‘80s, even creating the 80s lexicon ‘the Super Bowl Shuffle’. Up to January of 2007 the Bears again made it to the Super Bowl for that season, but lost after a hard-fought battle against the Indiana Colts. Even in 2008 the Bears played a good season losing a steady set of wins to the Minnesota Vikings. .

But this year? I have to use a well know acronym to describe what many in Chicago are asking: WTF?!

Not only have the Bears been losing, but they’re losing badly.

Two weekends ago they lost spectacularly to the Cincinnati Bengals in a game ending 45 to 10. To lose by 35 points was just……HARSH.

The following week the Bears – fortified in strength by the humiliating loss the week before to one Ohio team, took their frustration out against the other Ohio team – the Cleveland Browns – and won by 30 points (CIN 6, CHI 36).

Today, however, the team seems to have forgotten any winning strategy whatsoever, and are being solidly whipped by the Arizona Cardinals. In the first quarter the Cardinals lead 14 to 7, and by the end of the first half they had increased their score by – well – TOO MUCH: 28 to 7.

The game is now in the last quarter and a lot has happened. The team’s quarterback Jay Cutler has been thrown out temporarily, the opposing team has increased the gap to 34, leaving the Bears holding on to the single digit of 7. The Bears defense has been non-existent, and the offense has been too busy changing their tampons to fully participate in the game going on around them.

Do I sound bitter?

To quote my loathed nemesis Sarah Palin: “You betcha’!”

When Rex Grossman was leading the team in the 2006/2007 the city crucified him, and suggested that they switch quarterbacks in order to make it to the Super Bowl. The difference is that Grossman lead the team to a Super Bowl, while Culter now struggles in Grossman’s shadow.

Will the Bears make any sedge way toward the Super Bowl? At this time it seems extremely unlikely, but the future is oh so unpredictable.

Kinda like saying the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series…..one day……….