She totally killed my buzz by saying I should donate all of my fantasy football winnings to Haiti.
Can you give a dog a perm?
“How do I get there?” “You take Lake Shore Drive all the way to the end, then take a right at some shit.”
If I went to space, I would totally do coke.
His girlfriend is one of the ugliest people I have ever seen.
The whole point is to show my boobs more.
Yes. As opposed to all the other straight, celibate rappers.
Look, I love you, but I can’t baby-sit your fuckin’ dog.
White boots equal beat down.
That song’s seriously on the Top 40 in my head.
P.S., thanks for making my parents’ bed and cleaning up all your cock juice.
OMG, I’m sexting myself right now.
What kind of a friend are you? If he’s dead to me then that means he’s dead to you. It’s called loyalty.
Up or down? I thought you said fuck or drown.
That’s really cheap for a vibrator.
So what you’re saying is, Tennessee is Kentucky’s bitch.
Do you know what a physician’s assistant is? It’s a fucking nurse.
“I thought he was either gay or a Boy Scout leader.”
“Dude, is there a difference?”
(Courtesy of TimeOut Chicago.)
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