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From this week's 'Two and a Half Men": horny drunken girl falls onto Charlie's bed, and aks him as he makes his way downstairs to talk to his, "Do you mind if I start without you?"
Charlie responds, "Go ahead - look in the top drawer beside the bed..."
Horny drunken girl opens top drawer, looks inside and say, "Oooo...."
Chalie quickly calls up from outside the room, "Be careful! The large one's a flashlight!"
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Heard on the Street courtesy of Time Out Chicago:
"I feel good this morning. Did I throw up last night?"
"My main goal of the evening is to not pee myself."
"I will let anyone touch me for $30 an hour."
"If Navy Pier were a person, she’d be dressed like a whore."
“So, his given name is Numbnuts?” “Well, no, but that’s the only name I know him by.”
"Drill down far enough, you’ll hit Satan’s urinary tract."
"Why don’t you become a YouTube sensation during your unemployment?"
"I finally got my shit together; I just can’t remember where I put it."
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