10 WAYS TO GRACIOUSLY SWITCH FROM BEING A CLINTON SUPPORTER TO CHEERING ON BARACK OBAMA

With the primary season officially over Clinton supporters face a difficult decision – switching their allegiance to presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama. Here are a few helpful tips to get even the most hardened Clinton supporter to switch side with dignity and aplomb:

1. In the dead of night remove all ‘Hillary for President’ bumper stickers, yard signs, and window posters plastered all over your home and car. WORD OF CAUTION: do not wear dark clothing while conducting this nocturnal activity or else be prepared for physical interrogation by community police patrol leading to possible appearance on hit TV show ‘COPS’.
2. Install in all windows visible to the public ‘OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT’ posters hastily printed on generic color ink-jet printer. Again, preferred time for said activity is dead of night, please follow previously stated caution.
3. Send an ‘OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT’ email to all in your email contact list - make sure email contains the standard ‘rabid Obama supporter’ theme in the message body. Block from your POP server all shocked email responses from friends and blame your company’s IT department.
4. While clutching your chest with puzzlement and shock defend your stance to adamant questioners that you always said, “I support an OBAMA/Clinton ticket” and insist they didn’t hear the Obama part.
5. Send a small contribution to the Obama campaign to show your commitment. To counteract the disbelief and nausea that you contributed to “the Obama campaign?!” donate an equivalent amount to the DNC – Howard Dean won’t mind, trust me.
6. Begin copying dressing style of future First Lady Michelle Obama. NOTE: Male readers must refrain from wearing a knock-off of the Maria Pinto mauve dress to the gym – that’s just too liberal.
7. When confronted by friends, shift the topic of conversation to how old McCain looked and that he must have served in the armed forces during the American Civil War. Only do this while standing at least 50 feet from any nearby delusional Republicans.
8. Instead of greeting your significant other with a peck on the lips – do a cute knuckle-tap that will make anyone nearby go, “Awwwwww, how sweet!”
9. Swallow hard and sit down with your kids to give them the talk you’ve been dreading: how to correctly spell P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T O-B-A-M-A.
10. AND FINALLY, as in all relationships, burn all Clinton paraphernalia in a huge bonfire in your backyard as a symbolic end of your past relationship – stifle any loud sobbing into a handy fluffy pillow. Try not to suffocate yourself in despair.