Bitch, I was drunk when you met me.
Why is everyone carrying their dog around? It’s like a purse that poops.
That Starbucks is like McDonald’s.
Why won’t you be my best friend?
His bathroom smells like the rhino exhibit.
Based on your mood, the soup kitchen must’ve been closed.
Some folks should really be caged.
Were you just checking out my non-boobs?
I think you got serial-killer tendencies.
Does this dick match my outfit?
You haven’t really lived until you’ve been bled.
If you don’t tell people, people don’t get told.
He’s fine; he’s just a terrible human being.
I have choir rehearsal? Tonight? Aw, shit.
I’m such a cheap bitch; I went shopping at CVS on Friday and had $32 in coupons.
(Courtesy of TimeOut Chicago.)
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